Nightmares
by untoldsevenfold
Summary: Synyster Gates, M. Shadows and Zacky V. have all just walked into a world of soon to be destructive confusion when Syn opens the door to see a man claiming to be a coroner. ((Yes, I know it is rated M at the moment, even though it seems like it should be T because of language, but if this goes as planned, it will be mature for explicit content))
1. The intro

_**Okay, so this story is just an idea so far.**_  
_**If enough of you like it, I'll continue with it. I apologize if it isn't mind blowing yet, I'm sorta half asleep and like I just said. Just an idea at the moment.**_

_**Feel free to give feedback.**_

_**Please do, actually.**_  
_**Another thing, yeah, this story ((if continued)) will later involve shipping.**_

_**x**_

I honestly can't quite comprehend the information I have just been given. I looked at the ground for a moment, staring hard at the ugly tan colored carpet beneath me. I was just so sure this was only an illusion, maybe even a delusion.. After all, I had shot up just an hour or two before.

"Im sorry, but what did you just say?"  
"I know this must be a lot to take in right now, but you have to trust me when I say everything will be alrigh-"  
Before the poor son of a bitch could even finish his statement, I just had to interrupt him. "Who are you? Really, who the fuck are you?" I paused a moment, chuckling to myself.  
"Guys? Matt, Zacky, get in here! How'd you even get in?"

Matt and Zacky quickly arrived, snorting when they saw a man dressed in a fancy tux. Now that I think about it, he kinda looked like a fucked up version of "The Godfather".  
"Who the hell are you?" Matt asked with a goofy smirk beginning to tug on the corners of his mouth. Zacky stood there in a bit of an awkward stance, staring at the unfamiliar face. The older man's expression softened, the wrinkles on his forehead starting to show a little more.  
"I'm so sorry," he began. "There isn't another way for me to say this, and I am sorry that I have to be the one informing you of this tragedy. Brian, I believe that's your name, yes?"  
I rolled my eyes, ready for this gig to be up. I turned my attention to Zacky and Matt, swaying back and forth a little. "This guy here just came in, claiming to be a coroner, fucking saying Jimmy is dead."  
Matt's eyes darted over to mine, looking at me as if trying to read my mind. "What?" He demanded, turning his attention back to this "coroner".

"My name is Dean Byston, I am a government official who confirms and certifies dea-"  
Before interrupting, Matt angrily looked over at me, then to Zacky and lastly this guy named Dean. "Look buddy, I don't know who the hell let you in here, this is private property, so I guess we need a new guard at the gate. I don't know when the last time you got high was, but you must be pretty up there to come up with a story like this. We just talked to Jimmy about 4 days ago." Dean's facial expression changed as he sighed and took a step back. "I don't expect you to take this well. No one has. His family was a bit skeptical at first as well. I am so sorry. Your friend, James Sullivan has passed. The determined cause of death is believed to be natural causes. It happened a few days ago. Immediate, then extended family were notified first."  
Zacky looked to me, mouthing the words "What the hell, Syn?" The man took one last look at the three of us, shaking his head.  
"It's a shame. He was a truly great man, but I am sure he is in a better place now." He mumbled, turning to leave. Before Dean could barely get out of the doorway, I was already pulling out my cellphone, looking for Jimmy's number just to prove this coroner wrong. I tapped the call button on the screen, shoving the device up to my ear. The phone rang several times, each second I didn't hear him answer, I think I could feel a burst of adrenaline enter my system.  
Finally, on the fifth ring, things became silent. "Hello?" I asked, expecting to hear the Rev great me with a "sup fucker?", or "what do you want now, Syn?" But nothing. More silence.  
Matt, grabbed the phone out of my hand, turning up the volume before holding it to the side of his face. "Rev." He firmly said. I could tell Zacky was getting more and more nervous by the way he swallowed hard, clenching his fists. I thought I could hear soft crying coming from the other end of the phone, but I wasn't quite sure. Not even 10 seconds later, Matt's head shot up, his blank stare landing on me. Before Zacky or I knew it, the phone was slipping from his hand. It looked like it was falling in slow motion and it felt like minutes before I actually heard it hit the ground. I stood there staring back at my two best friends.  
"Oh God..." Matt whispered. My mind went spiraling and I couldn't help but wonder two things. How many drugs were in my system in order for me to actually believe my best friend had somehow died in the last 4 days, and oh shit. What the hell was about to happen?


	2. Fiction

**I suppose I will continue and post an official "first chapter" to go ahead and get things started for everyone who decides to begin reading this story.**  
**I hope you enjoy!**  
**And yes, Jimmy Sullivan did say "That's it, that's the last song for the album."**  
**Also if you did not know, fun fact, "Fiction" was actually titled "Death". **  
**No, this isn't some theory I've come up with, thinking that Jimmy killed himself or something, lol.**

_x_

The days were as cold as they usually were. Ice hanging from roof tops, warm looking lights illuminating the empty streets in the usually busy downtown. Music echoed through the city, the only noise that sounded. It had only been days since we all received the news of Jimmy's death and things never felt farther from normal. There had yet to be a funeral, I assume the choice that lead up to that conclusion is unknown for a good reason, but it still didn't feel completely right.  
I was pulled from my thoughts a few moments later when I heard a knock on the door. I looked up to see Matt now standing in front of me, his shirt slightly ripped and his hands balled into tight fists.  
"The hell happened to you, Matt?"  
"Nothing," He paused, avoiding eye contact with me for a few seconds, looking as if he was deciding if he should go ahead and say what he had planned to say when he first walked in. Finally opening his mouth, he spoke his thought outloud, "Johnny, Zacky and I are going out to get some drinks, do you want to join?"

What? I sarcastically smiled, shaking my head at the ground. "Of course you are. No, I'm good. I think I'm just going to hang out here for a bit. Don't really feel like going anywhere. Something horrible has recently happened to my friends and I."  
Matt cocked his head to the side, now staring me dead in the eye. "What's your fuckin' problem? I just invited you for a couple drinks with us, is there anything wrong with that?"  
"Nah, besides the fact that we all just found out our best friend died and you all are just going to go out, acting like it didn't even happen? And what the fuck happened to you, dude? Your shirts torn up, and your knuckles are all bruised."  
Matt's face grew a little angrier than I expected and now, I could only imagine how loud this fight could get. "What the fuck Brian? All I fucking asked was if you wanted to get some drinks with us. A yes, or no question. You certainly did not have to say all of that extra bull. You think we're acting like it didn't happen by going out for a couple of drinks? Where did that even come from?"  
"Nowhere," I sighed, not wanting to fight. My migraine was already killing me- I didn't need his noisy ass yelling at me too. "Just forget I said it. You guys have fun."  
Matt didn't say anything else, just stood there motionless. Not that he needed to say anything more... It was visible none of the guys wanted to go out either, so I don't know why they were putting in an effort. He looked at me finally, his line of sight lingering on mine for a moment before he turned to go.

I don't know how long I sat there, but it didn't really matter. I was paralyzed with teriffied thoughts. After I was actually able to move, I wasted no time pulling off my shirt, throwing it in the corner of my bedroom. I unzipped my pants, letting their own weight pull them to the the ground. I picked them up, throwing them in the same direction I tossed my shirt and ventured into the bathroom. It was actually pretty rare these days that I got to sleep and shower in my own house, but just before we received the news about Jimmy, the guys and I decided to take a few months off from touring to just fuck around. I stood next to the shower, streching and yawning. I turned on the water and let it adjust to an almost burning temperature before I dropped my boxers and stepped in. Everything up until these past few days had been so fucking crystal clear. Everything was pretty much laid out in front of us all. For the most part we had a happy life, a great career and amazing fans. The pressure we all felt had been building up over the past year, but we found ways to adjust and live with it. What the hell could have possibly gone wrong between then and now? None of us could have ever predicted something like this would happen to ANY of us. Everything was burning down much too quickly. Things had just recently become a huge blur to me and it wasn't fun. For one, I got things mixed up. I started fucking up on everything I tried to play too. It was like I forgot how to play the guitar. I think the worst thing is the fact that the other members and I were becoming a little distant. You'd think that something like this would bring us all that much closer, but I guess not.

I don't know how long I'd been just standing there, letting the steaming water pour down on me as I leaned against the cold tile, but I guess it had been a while because before I knew it, I heard pounding on the bathroom door.  
"Syn? Are you in thereeee?" I heard Johnny Christ sing, holding out the last syllable. His words were slurred together and he sounded like he was about to pass out. I couldn't tell if I actually responded, or if I just imagined that I did, but I found myself in a daze. I almost felt like a zombie. I didn't even turn off the water when I got out of the shower. I just grabbed the towel, winding it around my waist. I wrapped my fingers around the silver doorknob, and slowly turned it to the right. Was this really just a dream? If so, it was the most vivid one I'd ever had. I tried snapping myself out of this strange mental state that I had somehow entered, but I couldn't seem to shake it off. Maybe I was just in shock. Unbelievably, I was somehow dressed in a matter of moments and walking past all of my friends. I was just going through the same old motions.

I entered the guest bedroom, getting down on my hands and knees when I got to the bedside table. I retrieved a key from underneath, smiling a little when the light touched its golden tint. I held it tightly in my hand, approaching the others presence.  
"Uh, guys..." My voice trailed off, thoughts wanting to take over, but I knew I couldn't let them just yet. "I'm going to go out for a walk..."  
"Um, okay?" Zacky tilted his head to the side, probably wondering why I felt the need to notify them all of that. "Are you okay?"  
"Yeah, yeah I'm fine, Zacky."  
I quickly turned, not able to get out of that house fast enough. No, I wasn't actually going out for a walk, but hey, it wasn't any of their business what I was actually up to. I looked to see if our tour bus was still parked in it's temporary spot which was a few blocks down on an abandon property. I was very pleased when I saw the large, black bus still sitting there. I shot off in that direction, opening the already unlocked door. As soon as I was inside, I went straight for my bunk. I pulled back the curtain that hid me away while we were on tour and turned on the small light above me. I pulled out a small compartment in the wall, happy to see my special box. I whipped the key out, jamming it in the small key hole and turned it until the lid popped open. Inside it contained syringes and small plastic baggies that held purely beautiful, white crystals. I carefully set down the box and lifted up my mattress a little, feeling around for the other thing I needed. I finally was able to fish out a spoon that had a large-ish rubber band wrapped around it. I placed some of the solids from the bag onto the spoon, pulling out a lighter from my jacket pocket. I added a few drops of a liquid that was in a small tube which also came from this special box of mine. I reached for my lighter and held it under the spoon, moving it from side to side. I watched the flame that came out of the small opening, impressed with how well the fire held. It was almost mesmerizing. A few moments later I threw the lighter down and carefully picked up a syringe, putting the tip to the now liquid. Once the tube had been filled with as much as I needed, I dropped the spoon and set the syringe down on the bed. I tied the rubber band tightly around my arm, searching for the perfect spot. When I finally found somewhere I was comfortable with, I carefully pushed the needle in, injecting myself with this substance. Once all in, I threw the syringe down and took off the rubber band, wrapping it back around the spoon which was then placed back under my mattress. I closed and locked the box, putting it back into my compartment. I flung my head back onto my pillow and stared at the ceiling above me. At least I think it was above me. I don't know, maybe I was getting fucking delusional after all of this recent madness. Ha, that's a funny thought. Soon, I began to feel completely restless and I just couldn't stay still. I was twitching and my heart was racing. I stood up, smiling to myself, beginning to pace the tour bus. I believe I started to dance in attempted to put all of this energy at ease. The world felt so magnified; everything so fucking bright and everything made much more sense now. A thousand words running through my mind at once- how exciting, man?  
I got out my phone with the strangest urge to start calling people. Of course you can probably tell how that would end up. I accidentally called myself, being connected with the automated voice on the other end of the line. I had way too many new voicemails. I needed to start checking this more often.  
But... The last one that played made me freeze dead in my tracks. I stood there, staring blankly at the ground. "Jimmy? Jimmy is that you?" On the other end, I could hear Jimmy speaking plain as day. "Jimmy! Jimmy, what the fuck are you doing?" Nervousness with a hint of angry annoyance began pumping through my veins. "Where the hell are you man?"  
He couldn't be fucking dead. I looked down at my phone to see the whole screen was blurry. I pressed the number which I believed would replay this message from my best friend, but this time I actually tried to listen.

_"Hey buddy. I know I've been fucked up lately, but check this out. I got this idea for a song, okay? It was originally called Death, but I think I'll actually call it fiction now. I know we were talking about beginning our new album, so I went in and started. I can't wait to show it to you son's of bitches. I just think... That's it. That's the last song for this record."_  
Huh? I don't remember Jimmy showing us a song... I don't remember him even mentioning writing a song called "death" or "fiction"  
Seconds later an automated voice came on, saying the same annoying things over and over agai- wait, what? I snorted, very confused with when it said this voicemail was received.  
_"Voicemail from 714-234-0658. Received, December 25th, 2009. To delete, press 1, to save, press 7."_

I swallowed hard, hanging up my phone. I looked to see it was January 2nd. I counted the days in my head, realizing he had sent this exactly one week ago... Three days before he died. I felt very panicked at this point and the room sorta began spinning. I fell back against my bunk, fear slowly taking control. I'm not entirely sure why this scared me so badly, but that didn't matter right now.  
He didn't show us the song... Why didn't he show us the song that day...? His first title choice, "death", struck me as weird. What could the song have possibly been talking about? I mean sure, we had dark lyrics sometimes, but this was just fucking scary. And then the name fiction; a nickname he gave to himself. Is he saying... The song is about him? What could Jimmy and death have in common?  
I didn't know what to do. I rolled onto my bed, my pulse getting faster and faster. I stared at the ceiling again, talking to myself.  
"I gotta find that song. I gotta find that song, I have got to find that song."  
I laid and laid there for what felt like hours and stared at that dim light that seemed to get brighter and brighter with each passing second. I'm surprised I was able to do so for that long.  
I remember how I continued saying I gotta find that song until my throat felt raw. I kept on until things went blurry and things went completely dark.

Fuck, Jimmy... What the hell did you get yourself into?


	3. Zacky, I need to talk to you

**Ahhh. I'm sorry it took a while to finish and post this second chapter here. Iv'e been really busy and just haven't had any time. I hope you really enjoy this bit though! I worked really hard on it.  
Please comment, favorite or give me feedback! I'd really like to hear how you feel about the story so far.**

_**x**_

I woke to a blinding light above me and a throbbing headache. I found myself in the exact same spot I fell asleep hours ago. I swung my legs over the edge of the bed, stumbling a little once I got on my feet. The memories of reality painfully sunk back into my mind, sitting there like a knife stuck so deep in my chest it was near impossible to move. Don't call me dramatic either, my fucking best friend just died. The feeling of sickness and dizziness rushed over me and I couldn't help but running to the nearest trashcan in the bus. I was still unable to make things out; everywhere I looked, everything was just as blurry as they were before I fell asleep. After I managed to stabilize myself, I made my way to the front of the bus, feeling around on the door for a knob so I could begin my walk back to the house. It was still dark out, so I probably wasn't gone too long- just a couple of hours. I shouldn't have felt nervous to reenter my own house where my own friends were, but I did. I needed to knock this feeling right out of my body. Pass it to someone else or something. I finally worked up enough courage to open the door, but I didn't exactly see what I expected to. Everyone was sitting silently in front of the tv; eyes half closed, not daring to move a muscle. They all looked like drugged up zombies and to be honest, it was kinda like looking in a mirror. Zacky looked over to me, raising his eyebrows in question. He reached for the remote, turning the tv off before questioning where I was.  
"You didn't come home last night. Where were you dude?"  
"What? Bro, I was just in the tour bus for a couple of hours."

Confusion swept over Zacky's face as he began shaking his head.  
"No dude... You left around 11:00pm last night and never came back. Now it's 10:00pm the next day."  
"Um... I guess." I was honestly speechless.  
"Hmm? You guess what?"  
"Uh, guess you're right. I don't really know what to say."  
Zacky looked at me strangely, slowly nodding his head. "I see."  
"Hope you had fun, Bri." Matt said, making sure I heard him by speaking up and adding slight annoyance to his tone. I took a step towards all of them, tilting my head a little. Matt tilted his head, offering a puzzled facial expression. I'm sure he was just mocking me, but didn't care. He was just full of shit right now. I get that he is just as upset as all of us are, but he was being a dick about everything. "Where did you go, Syn?" Matt demanded.  
"Nowhere," I ran every detail from last night through my mind, finally coming to remembering about the voicemail I discovered. I made my way to the counter where I spotted the keys to my car, clutching them in my hand. "I'm going out again, though... I'll be back soon." I turned my back to the other 3 people in the room and reached for the door knob. I heard Johnny suggesting they come with me, but I couldn't let that happen. I don't know why, but for now I just wanted to keep this to myself. I pretended like I hadn't heard him and just continued on my way; I didn't have to explain myself if I didn't want. I knew I was just going to Jimmy's and I also knew that if any of them knew, they all would get too curious and probably advise me not doing so. I started the engine, sighing heavily when Jimmy's old CD that I had borrowed automatically started playing. For a second I thought I was actually going to lose it, but as suddenly as the emotions arrived, I forced them away. I really probably just sat there for 5 minutes, staring at nothing as countless memories passed through my mind before actually pulling out of the driveway. I guess I couldn't sit there forever, though. As much as I wanted to sit and do nothing, I had to force myself to begin my drive to Jimmy's house. I looked around as I took all the familiar twists and turns to my friend's old house, recognizing the old businesses we would terrorize as teenagers. There was only one new thing about going to his house now and that was the feeling I had. The chills that ran up my spine and the emptiness that sank it's teeth into my heart. Feeling like Iv'e been stabbed 50 fucking times. I pulled into his driveway, my foot lingering on the break pedal before I changed gear to park. I killed the engine after preparing myself for what I could potentially face and shakily stepped out of the car. I looked around, seeing not one car. I guess that was good, though. I'd been nervous of coming when someone else was around. I could just feel the pain that hung in the air around me as I pushed the key into the hole above the door knob; I know I was only bringing myself another step closer to my first real breakdown in this experience as a whole. The door creaked a little as I slowly pushed it open, leaving me with an almost overwhelming feeling.

"Please, Jimmy... I hope you left that song written on paper." I closed my eyes for the first few steps into his house, moving in the direction of his bedroom. Any second now I just expected Jimmy to pop out in front of me saying something stupid like "Got you guys! You fuckers really thought you could get rid of me so easily?"

I attempted ignoring the hopes and thoughts inside my delusional mind, determined to focus on the mysterious song. I entered his bedroom to see a whirlwind of clutter. Pictures and the few posters he had hanging on his wall had been torn down, some only hanging on by a single tack.  
"Oh my God..." I choked out, my heart dropping. I leaned against the wall, inching deeper into the abandoned room. I saw shards of glass on the floor by his bedside table which was accompanied by a picture of the 5 of us underneath. There were a couple of beer bottles on his bed and music notes were strewn across the floor. Jimmy hadn't seemed too strange the last few days... He actually seemed quite okay. He had been drinking and smoking a lot more these days though..  
But no, this was due to natural causes. Anyway, this room was a result of the stress he carried. The same stress we all carried. I pushed myself through everything, trying my best to be careful as I gathered all of the music sheets I saw. I didn't read through all of them, only glanced but by the looks of it, these sheets contained bits and parts from older songs we'd already released. I walked into the extended part of his bedroom to find that it was slightly less of a mess than his actual bedroom. I found myself staring at the drum set in the corner of the medium sized room and before I knew it my eyes were burning due to me being unable to blink, or even tear away from my gaze.  
"It all seems so surreal, doesn't it?"  
I gasped, flinging myself in an almost 360 degree turn to see a familiar face staring back at me. I stumbled back a little, feeling kinda speechless. There standing in the door frame was someone with light-ish brown hair and a sad smile. "U-Uh. Ye-Yeah. Leana... Oh God, I wasn't expecting to see you here. I'm sorr-  
"Shut up, you dick." She lightly laughed, rubbing her arm. "It's okay... Jimmy would have let you in with open arms. I know how you boys were."  
"I didn't mean to intrude. I just thought I'd come around one last time. Closure can always help with putting things to rest."  
"Are the boys here too?"  
"Um, no. They don't know I'm here. They seemed distracted at the moment anyway."  
Leana slowly nodded, dropping her gaze to the floor below her. "How are they?" It sounded as if it took so much strength for her to even say another word... I can only imagine the pain she must feeling too.  
"To be honest, Leana, we all aren't doing too good these days. We don't even know who we are anymore. _I_ don't even know who_ I_ am anymore."  
"Yeah... It hurts. Hurts more than anyone we know can explain right now. There is nothing anyone can do to make up for this and there isn't one soul on this earth who will ever be him. Hell, we can't get him back... Ever. Do you know what that means? Someone gave us a little too much of what we think we can't handle. It means we get to stand in the middle of the road and wait for all the cars, all the bullshit, to just hit us head on. It means we can't stop here. It means we can't give up. We're all going to put on our armor and stand together. We're going to honor him."

I don't think I've ever heard her say so much to me at one time. I was speechless.. Again.  
"Yeah... You're right. Hey, um, by any chance did Jimmy ever mention writing a song? Does the name Death or Fiction ring a bell?"  
Leana quickly looked up at me and I could tell she was kinda startled by the question. "No," she squeaked out. "Why do you ask?"  
"No reason, really. I was only wondering. I better be heading back now, though. The guys are probably wondering where I am and when I'll be back."  
"Alright. Um, it's getting late, so drive safe, Brian. Goodbye."  
I nodded to her as I made my way back to my starting point downstairs and out the front door. I forgot how many memories I truly had with Jimmy and the boys until I was brought back to the location most of them took place. I had to take a deep breath and close my eyes again just to remind myself that this all is actually happening. I guess my perception between whats real and what's not was now getting a little fucked up. I pulled out my cellphone, pressing the first number on speed dial. I listened to the ring until I heard the automated voice come on. _"One skipped message. To play, press 1."_

This had to be nothing but real. I knew it had to be because it hurt too much to be a dream.

_**x**_

I was greeted back into my home with a snide remark from Matt.  
"Well, well. Look what the cat dragged in."  
"Shut up, Matt. Brian, where'd you go?"  
After the statement and one question had been stated, silence swept over the room; I didn't know how to answer that without lying. I looked at Zacky, shrugging my shoulders. "I didn't really go anywhere. Just drove. Thought." There wasn't anything to say about what happened or where I went because what I was planning to happen in fact did not. No song found. my friend who asked the question nodded, rubbing his chin. "Why don't we all watch a movie or something?"  
I looked at the other two faces in the room and just by looking at Johnny's facial expression, I could tell that Zacky's suggestion to change the awkward situation was okay with him. Matt on the other hand didn't say anything, but he also didn't say he didn't want to, so I guess he didn't care either way. I on the other hand just wanted something to get my mind off of the situation at hand. Even if it was just for a little while. So I plopped down on the couch between Zacky and Matt, waiting for Johnny to pick what movie we got to watch. Johnny chose some dumb romantic horror that none of us had ever seen before, but judging by the title, it sounded like it could be a very good movie, or a "kill-me-now-I-want-this-to-be-over" movie. Not sure if I even wanted to find out which of the two it was. Just as it was starting, Johnny jumped up, turning off all the lights so that the only thing you could see were our shadows being cast on the ground and the dim glow coming from the TV. It only took about 15 seconds after the lights went off before becoming very clear to the 3 of us sitting on the couch that it was slightly awkward. There wasn't really any room for 3 people, especially with my legs crossed as they were. Part of my leg was on Matts leg and Zacky was basically in my lap. Meanwhile, Johnny was on the ground with all the room in the world. A little while from our little realization is when Matt, Zacky and I finally got adjusted comfortably until Matt sorta fucked it up by leaning over in the opposite direction so he could get his cellphone out of his back pocket. Hopefully Johnny didn't see Matt and think he was bored with what he had chosen. With the brightness turned down, the friend who was to the left of me began typing. I could tell out of the corner of my eye he glanced at me every few seconds, then resumed typing. As soon as Matt put his phone down I felt a vibration in my front pocket and I couldn't help but feel it was a message from him.  
_"I'm sorry, man. I know Jimmy was all of our friend, not just mine." _Is what the text read. I began typing, just reminding him we all lost someone we knew practically our whole lives. On the other side of me, my other _other_ friend could tell that Matt and I were texting and I guess I felt kinda bad. Might have made it more awkward because it could have seemed like I was trying to keep him from seeing the messages. _"Do you have any fucking clue what is going on in this movie right now?"_ I sent. Out of the corner of my eye I could see him beginning to smile and I heard the light chuckle he sometimes did. _"Can we have a discussion later?" Was_ not the response I was expecting to get, but sure. I guess I'll roll with that. _"Sure. Something up?"_ I watched Matt read the message, but he just put his phone down, not bothering to respond.  
I just fixed my eyes back onto the TV, shrugging it off. "Hey you guys. I have an idea. I'll be right back." Johnny said. That was pretty random for him to say out of nowhere like that, but what the fuck am I going to do about it? The kid was always going off on random, silly tangents and I think we bugged him enough for it. Before I had the chance to even wonder what he was up to, Johnny was back. A bag in his hand filled with a wonderful, green plant. Well damn. I guess this is one way to escape reality for a while. Matt offered a questioning look for Johnny after having seeing the large bag. "Where the fuck did you get that?"  
"I have connections to people who have other connections." Johnny replied, probably feeling really smart. I allowed a small dose of laughter leave my lips as I watched the owner of the magic bag beginning to load a bowl. "I can't believe this you guys." I whispered. Even with my head tilted back and eyes closed, I could still feel Zacky's wondering eyes on me. "Can't believe what?"  
"We're so fucked you guys." I barely choked out. I smiled as I opened my eyes, seizing the pipe from Johnny's hands. I was handed a lighter and I swear I took the biggest hit of my life. I carefully exhaled and felt the tears begin to roll down my cheeks. I looked at my friends who just stared back at me while I cried and tried to laugh. I leaned my head back again, letting my eyes fall shut.

"We are so fucking fucked."

_Seconds later I felt like I was falling through floor after floor, but I know I was just standing there. Every few moments by body would feel like it just hit the ground, then I would get the endless dropping feeling again. The room was filled with smoke and it reeked of drug-like scents that I should not know by heart. I felt myself begin to slump forward and thats when I opened my eyes. It seemed everything was gradually coming in and out of focus which sent me into a whirlwind of nonsense. I could feel vibration throughout my body and what the fuck. Had I been drugged? I don't know when I realized, but there was music blaring so loud I could barely hear myself think. It was one of our songs, I think. I could hear Matt's unforgettable voice singing a tune I swear I knew by heart, but when it came to remembering exactly what it was, my memory was useless. The tone and pitch, along with melody was most of what I could hear, due to the fact that his voice was now slightly muffled. Maybe even a little quieter. I could feel myself falling backwards, but I could do nothing about it. I kinda felt like I was lagging... Like in a video when a video is trying to load but it's also out of sync. It was as if I was being controlled. I went limp when my body pressed against the couch which was usually in my living room. I knew I wasn't in my house, yet all of my furniture was here. With things a bit clearer, I could see a tall-ish figure beginning to emerge from the tinted fog I just noticed was surrounded me. The figure I saw could now be identified as a slightly intoxicated Jimmy. Now I was really confused and feeling panicked. Jimmy flopped down next to me, immediately pushing against my motionless self. I would have pushed him off, but again, I don't think I was the one in control. He began laughing, pointing around in every direction. "Don't ya, don't ya think what we did here is fucking cool?" He asked, his words much slurred._

_"The hell are you talking about, Jimmy?"_

_"The lights!" He spontaneously yelled. "All of the lights and smoke and shit!"_

_After finally being pointed out, I guess I could see what he was talking about. There were beams of light coming down from the ceiling, putting off a soft glow that illuminated everything in sight. All of the different tones fading together, almost looking like they were melting into one another until they became a completely different color. There were also strings of multicolored Christmas lights outlining everything. I wasn't sure of where the music source was, but I could literally feel its bass sending vibrations throughout my body._

_"You know what I left you, Syn." I heard Jimmy whisper in my ear._

_"What?"_

_"What?"_

_"Are you talking about the song, Jimmy?"_

_"Man, Briannnn. How out of it are you? You must have gotten pretty fucked up to be sitting there, looking around like you've never been to your own house before."_

_"Jimmy, what the fuck are you talking about?"_

_"Did you hear the Mr.M Shadows theory? What'd you think?"_

_"Matt? What about Matt?"_

_Even though Jimmy's face was nothing but a blur, I could still tell he had the dumbest smirk across his face. He then leaned in a bit too close for comfort, beginning to slightly chuckle._

_"He wrote that song about you, yknow."_

_I slowly turned my head to look at my friend and just stared. I had no clue what was happening._

_"He wrote all of those songs about you."_

_"What the fuck?" I questioned, trying to shove him off of me. Before my hands had time to pry him from me, he pushed me first. I felt like I had dropped a thousand feet before I actually landed on the couch that I thought I was already on; and Im not sure why but when I made contact with the thing, it knocked the air right out of me._

"Hey, what the fu-" There was no time to finish the sentence I started. When I looked around again, everything had disappeared and things were actually quite crystal. I seriously couldn't help but feel embarrased I had such a dream.. and I couldn't help but feel the disappointment I was overcome with when I came to realize The Rev wasn't actually next to me. Instead, I now saw 4 lifeless-like bodies surrounded by almost complete darkness. I'd think something was wrong if thier chests rising and falling wasn't visible. When the fuck did I fall asleep? When the fuck did they fall asleep? I only remember taking one hit. I stared at Matt laying next to Johnny, my mind filling with unorganized thoughts. I know it was just a dream, but I couldn't stand _not_ being curious as to what songs "Dream Rev" could have been referring to. I sat up, making sure I wasn't about to become extememly dizzy before I attempted standing. I sauntered over to my mini fridge and retrieved a beer that had already been opened. I really didn't want to wake anyone by the loud sound of me opening a fresh one. While standing in the middle of my kitchen, I found myself looking at Matt again. Sighing, I took a large gulp of my drink.

"I'll never understand what goes on in my mind."

_**x**_

The following morning, which is when I should have woken instead of getting up in the middle of the night, I felt heavy and distorded. I laid there on my stupid couch, trying to remain awake, but I was failing miserably. I remembered the dream I had probably no more than a few hours ago and honestly, it was beginning to make me feel weird. The room was still slightly dark, minus the light from outside beginning to bleed through the curtains I had. It was quiet- really quiet. For just one moment I felt at peace, but of course that was short lived; I was disturbed with the loud and hard vibration against my leg which was coming from my phone. I groaned quietly, holding my head as a migrane began to settle in. "Just one second of peace, dammit. That's all I asked for." I pulled the object from my back pocket, blinded by the intense light radiating from the screen.  
_"You look like you're still fucking high as a kite. Rough night?"_ Read the first message. Before I had time to respond, two more messages came flooding in. _"Must not have been that rough, considering the noises you were making in your sleep." _The next reading,_ "Gayyyy."_  
I looked up, spotting the sender laying on the floor half way across the room. I laughed, throwing my phone in his direction, hoping that it would hit him. "Shut up, Matt. If I made even half of the noises you make in your sleep I'm pretty sure-"  
"Pretty sure what, Syn? Pretty sure that would mean you actually get laid enough?"  
"Actually, not enough. If you get laid as much as you say you do, you wouldn't have to fantasize about it all the time."  
"Neither of you make any fucking sense at this time in the morning. You both sound stupid."  
Matt and I both looked to see Zacky and began nodding in agreement. Things quickly grew silent again, leaving all of us with the feeling like something..._someone _was missing. If things were as they should be, at this point Jimmy would have probably made an even stupider, random comment about his stallion duck and how we should all go do something that would probably get us in trouble. I think every single one of us were still in denial. We still couldn't believe it. It's like every one of us felt the same way I did in Jimmy's house... Like he was going to pop out of a closet any given moment, calling us so dumb for falling for such a dumb joke. None of us really even wanted to do anything. We didn't even want to get up, we just wanted to lay there in our own puddle of misfortune. There was one thing, though... Out of all the memories continuously playing through my mind, there was one that remained on an endless loop. The same scene over and over again.  
M. Shadows sitting in a chair, distracted with God knows what, Zacky, Johnny and Jimmy all standing near him. I forget what they were doing or even talking about, but I assume it was nothing of great importance. I walked right in there and thanked them all for letting me _live_ my _dream _on a _day to day basis_. I remember Matt not paying much attention at all, but I know he heard every word I said. Johnny, Jimmy, Zack and I were pulling close in group hug. We have that moment caught on tape and every time I force myself to watch it, I begin to wish that we had held on to each other just a second longer. I was knee-deep and hopelessly lost in thought right now- Even if I wanted to, I don't think I could've stopped myself from entering the ones buried underneath the mounds and mounds of pain. Here we go with that cold, numb feeling again..

"Brian!" I finally heard someone yell.  
"Huh? What?"  
"What the fuck, dude? Did you space out or something? That was like the fourth time Iv'e said your name."  
Spacing out. Yeah, I did that now days. I was another one of those useless, walking zombies. Just another lost soul who fails to remember their purpose. If I still had one, someone reminding me of what it might be would be nice, I guess. Anyway, I looked over at Johnny, kinda feeling bad I hadn't answered or heard him sooner. "Sorry. I guess I was dozing off. What's up?"  
"Just wanted to know if you wanted to order pizza or something. We were kinda hungry."  
I scratched my head and shrugged. "I guess? Do they even do delivery this early in the morning? What time is it even?"  
"11:00am."  
"Well, sure. I guess so, yeah. Be right back," I replied, finding my way to my room so I could fetch my guitar. I hadn't played in a few days and I felt the sudden urge to do so. "Shit." I almost whispered. I must really be tired. So much so that I at first accidentally picked up Johnny's bass. Incase anyone is wondering, yeah, I let the guys bring their instruments over while we stayed in "our" temporary home. I sat on the floor opposite of Zacky, leaning my back against the couch. I took an almost silent deep breath, beginning to just mess around. I didn't have any picks with me, so I guess I was stuck with finger picking. I strummed around a little bit, played a few single chords, riffs and also fucked up a lot. I looked up to see Johnny and Zacky's eyes glued to my pathetic "performance" They both had basically the same facial expression as eachother- pity. What came so naturally to me now felt so foreign to my fingers. My constant, empty nauseous feeling came more natural than the guitar did. I wasn't surprised, though. I wasn't trying to the best of my ability. Frustrated I couldn't do much of anything, I stopped, laying my arm over the body of my guitar and my left hand over the neck. Nothing was coming to me. It was like my mind had gone blan- The tune. The tune from my dream. I don't know how, but automatically I knew every single note. Now that I could actually hear it, I realized I hadn't actually ever heard this before; it was just some type of familiar. I felt a tiny, sad smile begin to creep onto my lips. I gazed up a little, seeing that my friends were in front of me with another guitar and a bass. I hadn't even noticed they left to get their instruments as well. After running through what could be an "intro" a few times, Zack joined in with me. Johnny began playing, following a beat that I assume would sound alright with what we had going here. It sounded nice. It _felt_ nice. Really nice. For a moment, I felt as I did earlier- at peace. I soon heard Matthew begin singing, making up lines as he went along. "Take the time just to listen when the voices are screaming much too loud. Take a look in the distance, try and see it all chances are that you might find we share a common discomfort now." A slight pause occured next. Uncertainty was sewn into his expression. We looked directly at each other and I could tell he was drawing a blank.  
So I began to sing. "I feel like I'm walking a fine line, tell me only if it's real."

There we all were, playing again. As good as this felt, it didn't feel complete and I could tell the others felt the same way. The lack of his soul lingering around us threw everything off. I could see the look of sadness on Johnny's face, the look of shame and pain on Zacky's. I could _feel_ the shock of loss on mine and it was obvious what Matt was feeling. Anger. I knew it wasn't long before something would go wrong and honestly, it hurt. It really hurt to play too. As I slowed down my strumming, I threw in more of a softer tune. I thought of all of our fans, remembering that this probably wasn't any easier on them. I knew they had our backs, but I was still so scared. I could see Matt beginning to tighten his grip around the bottle in his hand. Zacky and Johnny began playing a little slower as well once they saw Matt beginning to stand; I don't think any of us knew what was about to happen. The words coming from M. Shadows' mouth suddenly stopped flowing with the music we were producing and his eyes became shiny, tears threatening to fall. Out of nowhere, Matt pulled back his arm, letting it fly forward again and released the bottle in his hand. I flinched when the sound of metal hitting tile pieerced my ears and run out like a siren. Without warning Matt then punched my wall, screaming "What the hell are we doing?!"  
When his knuckles hit, I heard a painful cracking noise, but I don't think he even noticed with all of that adrenaline pumping through his body. He disappeared out of the front door, leaving the rest of us in complete and utter shock. Silence spoke louder than words right now and it said more than we could even explain. We were not prepared for him to blow up like that. I wasn't too ecstatic that Matt left a broken beer bottle on the floor or a new hole in my wall, but I guess I was more worried about him. The three of us continued to sit there, not saying anything or even looking at eachother for a good 10 minutes, wondering if that really just happened.

"U-Uh, the pizza place doesn't deliver this early," Johnny finally said, his voice cracking a little "You were right. So, I am going to go pick it up... I'm probably late already. Can I use your car?"  
Without even thinking I just nodded, pointing to where I left my keys. "Um, thanks Brian." And with that, he quickly left, leaving Zacky and me alone. I couldn't exactly comprehend what could have possibly went wrong in Matt's head as he was singing, but I felt uneasy and unsure about what just happened. Maybe I just imagined it a lot worse than it actually was..  
Somehow, this lead me into thinking about that probably missunderstood dream of mine and how at one point... His voice... His voice in the dream just sounded so fucking... Wrathful. It was flaming with fury and the angriest rage possible. I blankly stared at the fuzzy carpet between my friend and I, taken with... This gut wrenching feel.  
"Zacky," I mumbled, sounding like I wasn't completely there.  
"Yeah...?"

"I need to talk to you about a dream I had."


End file.
